Is it acceptable to hate ugly people?
Fear of being ugly 5: Food for thought on therapy
In the following, I'll pick up some typical thoughts from people who are afraid of being ugly, and I'll give you some quite provocative food for thought. That is my intention. I want to shake you up and encourage you to think critically about your illness.
I feel like the ugliest person in the world all the time.
If you feel ugly all the time, there is only one explanation for it: You keep thinking you are ugly. And because you think that way, you feel that way too. Where's the evidence of your ugliness? Sure, you have your reasons, the crooked nose or whatever, but who - besides you - says you're ugly? Where is it written that a crooked nose disfigures you and makes you ugly? Why do you trust your judgment more than that of your friends, acquaintances or doctors?
It may be that parts of your face - or whatever you're complaining about - are not perfect. I am concerned with your conclusion that you are ugly because of your imperfect appearance. Would there be any other conclusions, like: I'm only 50%, 70% or 90% perfect. Couldn't it be concluded that you are just perfectly normal, like most men or women who would never win a beauty pageant?
I can only accept myself when I look different
Let me put it this way: You only want to accept yourself when you look different: You have made the decision to only want to accept yourself when you look different. That is their right. However, if you wanted to, you could choose to take care of yourself in spite of your looks. You might choose to find yourself lovable and acceptable despite your ugliness.
That's fine. Because the conditions when you consider yourself to be lovable or to be rejected, these conditions are set by you - and nobody else. And because you make these conditions, you can change them if you want. Nobody can force you to do this. Your thoughts are free. Disabled people who have learned to accept and deal with their disabilities can and do so. Why not you too?
Whether you are lovable the way you are, or whether you are rejectable, everyone has to and can decide for themselves.
Let me give you an example to illustrate this. You might choose to consider yourself rich and feel rich every time you have $ 10,000 in your account. You could say: whenever I have 10,000 euros in my account, I am rich, if I have less in my account - and if it is only 10 cents less, then I am poor.
If you make this rule, you will feel rich or poor, depending on how much money you currently have in your account. But you could just as well say that I feel rich when I have 50,000 euros in my account. Or you could decide to be rich only from 1 million EURO.
Where you set the limits is up to you, i.e. it is up to you when you feel rich and you have the freedom to move the limits up or down at any time. In any case, your decision to only consider yourself rich above a certain amount would be a purely arbitrary and personal decision! That’s what matters to me. Exactly the same applies to your personal decision to only accept yourself when you look different.
I'm only attractive when I look different
Let's leave it that way. You can think so. That is their right. But why do you deny others this right? Why do you accuse others of lying or feigning them when they say you are attractive? Why can't others have tastes different from you and find something beautiful and attractive that you consider ugly yourself?
So I think it's pretty arrogant of you when you make your ideals of beauty the standard of all things and portray others as liars or slimies just because they find something beautiful that you find ugly. Thank God the tastes are different. This is the only way there is a variety of different offers and that makes life varied and colorful. If everyone had the same taste, then there would only be one clothing style or one brand, then there would only be one car brand and one model, then there would only be red-haired or blonde people, depending on their taste.
God how boring. I am for biodiversity - not just in the animal kingdom. So please: let the others have their own taste and allow them to find something beautiful that you find ugly and stop portraying them as liars and hypocrites. The others don't deserve to be insulted and beaten down by you just because they have different tastes. Be tolerant and let others have your own opinion. I Agree?
I'm ugly. I don't have this dysmo disease where you just pretend to be ugly.
I once had a client. She was anorexic. She weighed only 35 kg and was 175 cm tall. Still, when she looked in the mirror, she said to herself: You can't really be any thicker. She consisted only of bones and skin and yet she saw a fat person in the mirror. When others clapped their hands over her head in horror and told her she was skinny, she wouldn't believe them.
How is that possible? How can someone who is only skin and bones, when looking in the mirror, say he is fat? Everyone but the anorexic can see that they have no more fat on their ribs. There is only one logical conclusion: his eyes obviously lie to him. He does not see what is there, but sees the picture that he has of himself in his head and in this picture he is fat. What does that mean for you?
You can't believe your eyes. What you see is what you want to see!
Your perception is influenced by your attitudes, prejudices and expectations. Check out the anorexia video and you will understand what I mean.
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